Why You Should Not Eat Chocolate Cakes While Reading “Pride and Prejudice”

I was so eager to make an argumentative essay out of this, but I doubt whether my ambitions are commensurable with the content. Whatever the form of this text is, I urge you to read it – it will help you avoid tons of problems, while the experience of reading Jane Austen’s masterpiece will not become less delicious if you just put a couple of plates aside.


There is a single reason for not trying to make the process of getting acquainted with an English literary classic twice as paradise-like: every plot twist will serve you for an excuse to sweeten the anxiety you will fell for the protagonists, or to celebrate the fortunate state of affairs. Imagine:

Mr. Bingley comes to Netherfield. No matter how silly Mrs. Bennet might seem to you, you cannot help rejoicing with her, because Mr. Bingley’s arrival is an inevitable start of some kind of a love story. A piece of cake to this.

Mr. Darcy refuses to dance with Lizzy. You know that Lizzy is watched by dozens of people and cannot cover her distress with a thick layer of chocolate cream. So you do it yourself.

Mr. Collins. Just everything about this fellow puts you under suspense, starting from his wish to marry Lizzy to his actual proposal which is hardly to be born. Your plate is empty and you go for another. You applaud Lizzy’s refusal by drinking some hot chocolate in addition.

Mr. Bingley leaves for London. The initial celebration of a possible good match proves to be an illusion. Hopes are shattered. You are almost in tears. Something sweet is the only escape.

Lizzy refuses Mr. Darcy. How about ordering a pizza? You have eaten lots of chocolate, but who cares now? There is such a collapse of everything!

And so it goes until the very end. Meanwhile, Mr. Wickham manages to damage not only your diet, but also your nerves (along with those of Mrs. Bennet). The final resolution of all pains results in a huge wedding party you organize for the protagonists – and get all the meal as the only guest.

So, my advice is – read Pride and Prejudice as far from the refrigerator as possible. Not that I am afraid for your willpower. It’s just that sometimes we sympathize with fictional characters that this sympathy might result in stress – and food, especially chocolate, and especially cakes, and maybe some pizza for dessert is the best cure for our all-consuming emotions.


Image taken from wikiHow

© 2017 Cathy Sanju, My English Paradise. All rights reserved.

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