Creating the Scale of Your Personal Growth

Where am I today? = What do I want to do now?

You never know what you want – this is your main problem.

I have no opportunity to fulfill my dreams. Statement false.

What stops you from going on? How can you overcome it? Examine your personal qualities, find your faults (be cruel – they are there as long as you are not where you want to be) and imagine you are a superstar who has no rights to have them.

No money. Wealth does not equal willpower.

No time. There are two types of people – those who never have time and those who always do. You are the second, because we all have 24 h a day.

I have failed. Not an excuse. You are still closer to where you want to be than where you were before. You can create a new aim – and move there from where you are – with an experience and newly acquired resources.

Measurement of your success – your satisfaction. A satisfaction of somebody who is a champion of self-criticism (yes-yes, no tears, no pity, no forgiveness). To earn a praise from yourself is a great achievement. The moment you feel it – you are on the right track.

But remember – no matter how much you have achieved, you have no excuse to stop.

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Cathy

Image taken from Earth Porm

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Nine-Days Flower (to Lady Jane Grey)

Look back into dusty past.

July brought two queens in a row:
After the Twain hero died,
Naming Jane for the regal role,
Enemies were not to hide.

Glued to dreams of crown and power
Ready came the Bloody Mary.
End of life of a nine-days flower.
You have found it all too scary…

LadyJane

Cathy

Image taken from goldengateatelier.com

Ten Facts About You and Me

We imagine things. Our smiles and tears do not depend on what really happens – they depend on what we think about it.

We do not like doing something when somebody else tells us to do it. Without obligation, it’s much more fun.

We are never ever sure how somebody else feels about us – and therefore are shy to reveal our own feelings, missing a great chance.

We listen to music even when we do not hear it – our fan memory works better than headphones.

We watch Titanic all alone, just not to confess that we also cry every time Jack dies.

We hate wearing glasses until we remember that Harry Potter also did wear them.

We have rehearsed our potential Oscar-receiving speech at least once in a lifetime (if you haven’t, it means you just don’t remember it).

We would love to switch our phones off so that nobody disturbs us, but we still have a mini heart attack every time we forget our phone at home.

We are unique time managers, complaining about not having enough time and wasting time.

We want to be perfect, but we are just people.

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Cathy

Image taken from Pinterest

Without Umbrella

Yes, sure, I left your home without umbrella,
According to the rules of story-tellers.
My first kiss – the blue lips of late October,
Not yours, thanks God. I’m cured of you. I’m sober.

I’m running free of you, free of deceivers,
Risking to catch a cold and have a fever,
All soaking wet to skin and bones, and trembling.
At least you’re being washed off me, sad ending.

The passers-by are feeling deeply sorry
For me, the girl whose eyes seems strangely worried.
In fact, I am excited to begin it –
A new life where you are no more the limit.

You’ll stick it in the thrash-bin – my umbrella,
According to the rules of story-tellers.
I’m drinking from the lips of late October,
I’ve never tasted yours, thanks God. I’m sober.

umbrella
By me

Cathy

One More Day in the Life of an Elf

Nobody feels anything about this strange number. Eleven. It is between the top ten and fairytale twelve.

Eleven is also a fairytale. Eleven elves. And in German elf means eleven.

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Eleven a.m. is too late for getting up. Eleven p.m. is too late for arranging meetings. Is eleven too early in any case? No. Always too late. Or in time. Simply because there is no other option.

What can you express in eleven words? Too strange a word-count to think about it.

Eleven steps away? Too precise to ever find a place like this.

Eleven roses? Probably an acceptable present to your sweetheart. At least something.

Eleven songs on an album? Frequently observed.

Cannot think of anything more.

Eleven deserves more of existence. In our thoughts, associations, realisations. I am glad to think that this blog post sounds like one more day in the life of number eleven. One more day in the life of an elf.

I’ve started the countdown from eleven seconds. Now I am pressing the “publish” button.

Cathy

Image taken from WallpaperSafari

 

On My Favourite Books and Mr. Darcy

Read Pride and Prejudice. Now I’ve got my third favourite novel along with Wuthering Heights and The Thorn Birds. I cannot decide which one of them I prefer over the other.

Pride and Prejudice – my ideal romance and marriage mixed with charming humour.

Wuthering Heights – violent, crazy love of heroes raised out of hell, surrounded by wild nature and some Gothic motives of magical influence.

The Thorn Birds – contradiction of need and moral principles, duty and affection, religion and love.

I shall never forget that my perfect man is Mr. Darcy, as he has always been. But I want him sometimes to forget his high position at least for an instant and run away with me to the moors. So, a slight influence of Heathcliff would do no harm. But he can still be who he really is – just Mr. Darcy. I shall still love him more than anybody else.

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Cathy

Image taken from:

Pinterest

You know you really like the pink colour when you cannot decide what it means to you: love, strawberries, your new lip gloss, sunset, your best friend’s nail polish or your cat’s tongue. You just like it. Everywhere.

Cathy

Because of Rob. Chapter 5

Mrs. E. appeared out of the dark to meet us. A strikingly beautiful woman, you could never say she was forty years old (that’s what Mrs. Caroline whispered to me just before the greetings). Guys would call her irresistible. At least it was clear from Ben’s look. I squeezed his sleeve rather rudely and raised my eyebrows, meaning You are my boyfriend or you lose a million.

I didn’t like Mrs. E. Not because she was more beautiful or rich than I was (but we will see what happens when I am forty years old). The problem with her was this: she was using her beauty and position to win over everyone and everything. It was easy for me to feel. I was a girl and I had at least some sense left in me. I clung rather possessively to Ben, sorry for him for  the hundredth time that day and thought: You will lose that deal, bitch. You will.

I could not understand the meaning of Mrs. E.’s look at me. It was probably a look of interest, but a look of a snake was equally possible. I somehow knew a time will come and we will have to fight over something. No, not Ben. I doubt if she saw me as Ben’s girlfriend. I mean, she believed I was Ben’s girlfriend, but it wasn’t what I really meant to her. She was not going to play a game where we had equal chances. There was to be a game where she would be higher by all means, and breaking the rules would be wrong. Even for such an unreasonable girl like Emily J.

I don’t remember how Mrs. Caroline introduced us. I only know that after pronouncing my name Ben kissed my cheek and I didn’t kill him not because we had agreed on it, but just because I hardly noticed it. I was thinking of Mrs. E.’s opinion of me, and what the fight or game between us was just around the corner, and I was feeling it just like an old witch feels with her nostrils.

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Cathy

Image taken from Disney Wiki

A Rainy Quarrel

I know that something went wrong yesterday night
And you urged me to get out of your sight,
I almost obeyed as your eyes promised no good –
One more word from me – and you were ready to shoot…

But ’cause it’s likely to rain
Today
Again
I wish I could just remain
Today
Again
By your side
And despite
Your unbreakable pride
You could let me stay
Today
Again

Girls are like that – their green eyes promise no good,
But in a moment or two there is loads of food
And they hope cooking will win our hearts back again,
And they are so damn right especially when there is such rain.

Because it’s likely to rain
Today
Again
I wish I could just remain
Today
Again
By your side
And despite
Your unbreakable pride
You could let me stay
Today
Again

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By me

Cathy

Because of Rob. Chapter 4

Shopping. A totally. Hateful. Thing. Especially when your boyfriend (no matter whether a real one or not – you are still supposed to please him) is assuring you that everything looks wonderful on you, while you are determined that whatever you try on makes you uglier with every new glance in the mirror.

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Mrs. Caroline stood out of the way for a while and let the sweethearts work it out by themselves, but when it proved to be the most hopeless business ever, she threw Ben out of the game, having come to the conclusion that our clothes make no difference to guys as long as we are not naked, and dragged me out in the street, saying:

“I know where we are to go.”

I felt immensely relieved to be in the fresh air again, but my breath was soon taken away when Mrs. Caroline revealed that she was pulling me to her neighbor’s boutique.

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely, my dear. Lucy E. likes nothing more than seeing someone dressed the way she has wanted it.”

Well, this was the place that made me feel like a farmer’s daughter. But I was encouraged by Mrs. Caroline saying:

“Here you can choose whatever you like. Mrs. E. will be pleased with everything.”

There are rare moments in my life when I am practical. Luckily for Mrs Caroline, such a moment had come. I decided to choose the second cheapest dress seen around. Just not to rob Mrs. Caroline and to deceive Mrs. E., only a harmless bit. Choosing the cheapest dress would have made it obvious I was drawn by financial reasons. I wanted to pay her a compliment for her design, not for setting higher or lower prices. I was delighted to discover that my taste was unanimous with economy. The evening dress both chosen by me and approved by Mrs. Caroline was of dark-purple color, long, straight and simple, with a silver belt on my waist.

When my hair was done, make-up put on and heavy silver earrings completed the image, I appeared before Ben, and he shrugged:

“You look good like you did in every dress I had seen on you.”

Was it a compliment, or did it really look the same to him? Still being in my practical mood, I believed in the latter.

Cathy

Image taken from www.pinterest.com