“When You’re Gone…” (R.I.P. Dolores O’Riordan)


I saw the news just a few minutes ago, and I cannot express how empty it made me feel. The Cranberries music was with me during the happiest years of my life, and one of my favourite songs ever – When You’re Gone – played at my prom – and I danced to it, and I cried to it, and I felt melancholic, nostalgic and infinitely grateful for my school years, and so purely, naively happy to this song… I could not even think that just after a couple of years I would listen to it to remember Dolores. I will never ever hear her live. I envy people who have. But I am also happy that her voice and her music has been – and always will be – part of my life.

This is not the most poetic and eloquent text to write to honour one of your favourite performers, but I just had to get it out before I started crying. Now that I have sung out the whole previous paragraph in a low, faulty voice, I really feel better. And maybe I am ready to write a piece of poetry – just to write something beautiful for Dolores. For myself. To know that I tried to thank her for the beautiful music she has filled my life with.

Do not judge me too severely. The poem is improvised, not prepared in advance. I want it to be as natural and sincere as possible.

Don’t ever close your lips,
Don’t turn the volume down,
The world has gone to sleep,
The sun has just gone down,
Don’t ever stop your song,
No matter we wake up,
Our love for you is strong,
We’ll turn the volume up,
We will not sleep a night,
As long as you sound near,
As long as the Earth turns right,
As long as we can hear.
But when you fall asleep,
The world will be your dream,
The sun’ll kiss your closed lips
With one last wandering beam,
And we’ll go on awake,
With your voice in our lives,
Our hearts, souls – for your sake,
To keep you here. Alive.


Image taken from Pinterest


Your Heart’s Content on Christmas Day

We gain the capability to love more at Christmas. Love everything. Love our loved ones. Love something or someone we usually don’t, but can’t help loving today. Because it’s all so lovely and lovable, love-evoking and love-creating.

What do you love the most about today? I just love my waking up and knowing it’s Christmas. Again. And whatever happens in my life, Christmas is always there for me to let me love.

Image taken from Eskipaper.com


On My Favourite Books and Mr. Darcy

Read Pride and Prejudice. Now I’ve got my third favourite novel along with Wuthering Heights and The Thorn Birds. I cannot decide which one of them I prefer over the other.

Pride and Prejudice – my ideal romance and marriage mixed with charming humour.

Wuthering Heights – violent, crazy love of heroes raised out of hell, surrounded by wild nature and some Gothic motives of magical influence.

The Thorn Birds – contradiction of need and moral principles, duty and affection, religion and love.

I shall never forget that my perfect man is Mr. Darcy, as he has always been. But I want him sometimes to forget his high position at least for an instant and run away with me to the moors. So, a slight influence of Heathcliff would do no harm. But he can still be who he really is – just Mr. Darcy. I shall still love him more than anybody else.



Image taken from:


Driving Across Kent

Before my eyes – an endless road, an endless sky (its colour looks so special today – something between blue, green, and golden!), an endless row of surreal green trees and red bushes. In my ears – Sweet Dreams, Someone Like You, Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word, Can’t Fight the Moonlight, Everything Has Changed. In my hands – a necklace with a C hanging from the chain – just cannot stop squeezing it between my restless fingers. In my heart – the mood of awaiting happiness, because waiting for a miracle is more important than the miracle itself.


Life is a fairytale. Happy or sad – it still is. But the meaning of happiness and sadness is not certain at all. I need time to understand I am the princess in this fairytale. I do believe in fairytales. I always had. Love and Magic are ruling them, but they enter your life only when you learn to be happy.

I am sure that this drive is my first lesson.


Image taken from bhmpics


My First Morning in England

10.00 a.m., some time before landing, 

Here it is. I see it through the bluish clouds. England. Its hills. Its forests. Its lakes. Its moors. The most beautiful side of the paradise we call Earth.

We are closer. I can see the clouds flickering in a greenish lake. A white car moving down the road. Bushes growing at the pool. A parking lot. Two of them. Yellow and green grass.

10.10 a.m.

We’ve landed!!! It’s misty and cloudy, +16 degrees, but I’m happy!

10.45 a.m.

Travelling by Gatwick Express to Victoria Station. Green hills, green grass, green trees running before my eyes. Everything is so green it makes me think of eternal happiness.


I am thinking of all the wonders I am going to see here. There is a trip to Hever Castle planned in the next two days, really eager to go, although many people have warned me against it, saying that I might become the seventh wife of Henry VIII, but I’m so curious to the Anne Boleyn’s place that no strange jokes from my friends’ side will prevent me going there.


© 2017 Cathy Sanju, My English Paradise. All rights reserved.