Independent

Never asked you what to say,
Never asked you what to do,
But you told me what I may,
But you told me what not to.

You know now what I’m to say,
You know now what I’m to do,
Just three words: do go away.
You’ve told me, now I tell you.

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Cathy

Image taken from Film Comment

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Parking Lot

“Love is not enough
For me to be with you.
Maybe you will laugh
At me – but it is true…
I love you with all
My heart and soul – so what?
That makes an evening call
Or tears in parking lot,
But nothing more than that
If you are not the one
For you… hey, what’s the mat–
My dear, what have you done?”

“Just kissed you!”

“What for?”

“To make you understand:
I love you even more
Than you could ever stand.
So, if you are not
Now too much cross at me,
Let’s drive to the parking lot –
I’ll make you see:
It’s not for letting tears
Run and pour down your face,
It’s for me to kiss you, dear,
Hold in embrace,
Whisper, sweet and low,
That I’ll meet you next day…
But never let you go and never drive away!”

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My fave Lana del Rey in “Burning Desire”

Cathy

Image taken from Stereogum

Because of Rob. Chapter 6

The party itself was of the boring kind, just like the ones rich people usually have. But this time it was for the better – nothing could distract me while playing my role.

Ben and I, we danced all the slow dances as they were an excellent basis for looking like infantile lovebirds. My every step and movement was a sudden remembrance of one romantic movie or another. I put my arms around Ben’s neck and drew his face closer to mine with that oh-dear-I-love-you-so-much expression. It was Ben’s turn to kiss me. On my lips. So that Mrs. E. was persuaded to the highest extent. But, of course, he touched only the corner of my mouth. I wouldn’t agree to have the first kiss as a fake theatre decoration. And I didn’t have the slightest inclination to kiss Ben. He definitely wasn’t my romantic hero no matter how handsome he looked.

I stared him sweetly in the eye while thinking – why the hell am I going to a math school? I am such a damn talented Hollywood actress! If they don’t give me an Oscar for this performance, I will go and steal it from the next winner (only if it’s not Keira Knightley, Kate Winslet or Reese Witherspoon, my idols).

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Mrs. E. was watching us with that slightly reproachful expression adults usually do when teenagers are looking too intimate in their presence.

Mrs. Caroline was the happiest person of the party. I winked at her, putting my head on Ben’s shoulder with a smile. She could almost think I meant I really  like your boy. In a way, she would be right – it was nice and safe, being with him and even playing romance with him. It is always like this when you are not fallen head over heals, although everyone around thinks you are, and only the two of you know what all this sweetness really means – just friends. It was a mute agreement between us as it was impossible to talk in the madness of that mercilessly loud music. I could easily lose my voice if we had talked.

My knees felt like failing me after all that endless dancing on high-heeled shoes and I gladly let Ben support me. No matter he really had to put his arm around my waist to make me stable. In other circumstances, I might have objected, but not then. Moreover, it made our Oscar-winning performance deserve a double Golden Globe in addition.

The very moment I leaned against Ben’s shoulder to be more secure, Mrs. Caroline made us a sign to approach. She and Mrs. E. had been watching us all along and it seemed like they had been talking about us. I was arrogant enough to suppose that they had been discussing me in particular.

Cathy

Image taken from Us Weekly

Driving Across Kent

Before my eyes – an endless road, an endless sky (its colour looks so special today – something between blue, green, and golden!), an endless row of surreal green trees and red bushes. In my ears – Sweet Dreams, Someone Like You, Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word, Can’t Fight the Moonlight, Everything Has Changed. In my hands – a necklace with a C hanging from the chain – just cannot stop squeezing it between my restless fingers. In my heart – the mood of awaiting happiness, because waiting for a miracle is more important than the miracle itself.

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Life is a fairytale. Happy or sad – it still is. But the meaning of happiness and sadness is not certain at all. I need time to understand I am the princess in this fairytale. I do believe in fairytales. I always had. Love and Magic are ruling them, but they enter your life only when you learn to be happy.

I am sure that this drive is my first lesson.

Cathy

Image taken from bhmpics